#8 The hardest goodbye.

It was the day before Natasha had to leave, well not really the day before but, it was the last day Alex could see her before she leaves. Though Alex was, happy that she could have fun, and be happy and all, he couldn't help wondering what lingers after. Without her leaving, he'd already known that he'll miss her, a lot.

School was on, as usual, but since the exams were over and the classrooms can't be used the freshmen were to be spending their days in the school hall. Which meant, he could see her more often. As no lessons were to be taught anymore (yay) they spent their time playing board games and card games and other stuff you'd do when you're really bored and don't know what to do.

Sometimes, while playing his UNO or whatever with the gang he'd stop and somehow lose his attention and glance over and see what she's up to. She was somehow either opposite where he was, or near him, which was.. cool. Once as he was playing he looked towards her and she somehow noticed, and smiled at him. Whoah. but he smiled back, with butterflies flying around his stomach, hoping she wouldn't notice that, as his heart did a little backflip. Day made, right there. 

It was such a coincidence that the last day he'd see her, she had brought her guitar. He really liked it when she played, yet somehow she never realized how good she really is, she's talented, all right. He'd drift away and listen and remember the time in Mel's house when they both sang and the was she looked at him and oh gosh he was just too mesmerized, the look in her eyes, gosh he'd never noticed before, she had beautiful eyes, though it was just plain brownish but he loved them.

The teacher arranged a little handicraft section for the students and though he hesitated to go, Elena went anyway so he had no choice. But as he saw Ed doing little accessories for Mel, he had to do one for her too. It was the least he could do anyway, knowing that she'd been there for him when he needed someone, and as a little thingy before she leaves. That was the one time he didn't like the fact that he had huge fingers so that made it hard for him to do little dainty craft works.

He didn't care anyway, she means a lot to him.

He ended up with a pair of angel earrings (he still remembered how to make an angel keychain from Cf camp so he twitched a little here and there and voila!) 'That is so cute!' Elena complimented, 'She'll like that, a lot.'

There was another thing, but that's a surprise.

//

She normally goes to Marissa's house to pick up her stuff, and when Alex, Elena and Mel go on their little 'MI' he somehow catches her and they smile for just a second but it makes his day. So he waited where he thought he'll see her.

'Oh gosh, should I give her?' Alex asked Elena, who was waiting with him.

'Come on, if you could give the letter, you can definitely do this!'

'Really?' he started hesitating. Not a good sign. 'Oh, your bus is here, bye! Wish me luck.'

His wait was what he thought was forever, maybe she's spending her last day with her friends in Marissa's house or something, he thought.

He actually planned to wait there, and when she goes to the little spot where she waits for her transport, he'll walk by and talk and then pass the little gift to her. Not as easy as he thought.

After awhile, she came out of the house, somehow she still manages to look pretty even when she's wearing her uniform, he smiled, and waved. He thought it was adorable that she smiles so cute exposing her braces, as she waved back. His heart seemed to beat faster. It was almost as if the whole world blurred out, and she was the only one he saw.

Okay, you got what you wished for, Alex. What now? he started thinking. Don't chicken out, you can do this. 

Well, he ended up standing on the same spot awkwardly for a whole minute. Until, he saw her, walking towards him instead. His heart fluttered.

'My transporter left without me again.' Natasha said with her cute little frown.

'Haha, again?'

'Sadly, yes.'

'Hey, uh, open up your hand.'

She opened up her palm and he dropped the angel earrings there. She looked at it, surprised.

'Thanks,' as she smiled at him.

'Anyways, how you going back?'

'I have no idea. I'll call my mom, maybe I'll wait at Marissa's house.'

'Okay then, I'll stay here till you leave.'

'You don't need to, you know?'

'I want to.'

As they talked, he realized that, this was the last time he'll see her in person (yeah, they'll Skype and all, but it's different.) He'll really miss her when she's gone. While she called her mom, her fringe fell all over her face, and she blew it up, and they both laughed, she's so cute like that, he thought.

'I think I should wait in Marissa's house, my parents aren't free right now so yeah, I have to go. I guess I won't be seeing you till I don't know when so..'

and she hugged him. He'd been wanting this to happen ever since she hugged him on her birthday, he didn't want to let go. He hugged her back.

'You know I'm gonna miss you when you're gone right?'

'I'll be back, silly. And you just patted my guitar, haha.' (He was really awkward when it came to hugs okay.)

Well, he wanted it last longer, how good it felt to have her in her arms. Yet, another part of him sank a little, 'cause he wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon, he won't be waking up to texts he fell asleep waiting for, he won't wake up to send a good morning text to her for now, and lastly he'll miss the late night Skype sessions they have where they just really goof around and it really makes his nights special, she is special.

'I whisper goodbye, I swear it's not for the last time, I know it's not easy, this could never be easy.'

//

He walked home, feeling happy, yet sad at the same time, ambivalence. He reached his room, dumped his bag, and texted her.

'Hey, hope you like the thing. :)'

Her reply made his day even more.

I love it. :) Thank you so much. :')

#7 I remember it all too well.

'Hey I know that you're probably thinking to yourself how you shouldn't have given that note to me, but I promise that things won't be awkward, chill. Just give me some time, okay? :)'

She's considering it. NATASHA IS CONSIDERING IT. YES. YES YES! Alex was really relieved, Alex really thought he screwed up, he was so afraid he'd lose one of the people who meant so much to him, he was.. happy.

'Okay *phew* you have no idea how relieved then. I thought I'd lose you.'

'No way, silly boy :) call me later okay?'

Okay, he didn't screw up, yay! Now it's just a matter of time, and the decision she makes. Uh-oh. But yeah, right at that very moment he should probably be apologizing to his tummy for all the butterflies because right then, he could have flown to the moon and back hearing that.

He actually has a chance now, this might actually work out for him. He might actually get the chance to be with the one girl he really really likes. He might actually get to be happy.

//

A week has passed since he told her, and he hasn't heard any answer so far.

They still talk, like nothing had happened, but he'd wonder what she was thinking now that she knew. Could we still talk like how we do? Well, in fact they did, they still do.

Her holiday to Australia was coming up, and he wished that she didn't have to leave but, this trip, was one of her motivations to push through the exams, he wanted her to be happy, she really had been waiting a long time for this.

He asked her whether she needed more time that Monday when he texted her goodnight, and fell asleep waiting for the text. The morning after he checked his phone,  she replied after all, brace yourself, Alex, this might be bad. He somehow could always think the worst at times.

'Morning weirdo :) heh, honestly I don't know. I'm.. pretty emotional, you know that, I don't know whether you'd be able to handle it.' 

Yeap, she is gonna say no, definitely. he thought.

'You know what? I know I'm not perfect but I'd try okay, I'm willing to at least be there for you, and I know that I can't solve everything but, I'll make sure you won't be facing your problems alone, I'm here.' he replied.

'Still, I'll be gone, 42 days is pretty long you know, anything can happen, that's what happened the last time, we just drifted apart, and that only lasted a month.' 

'You know what? Remember in the note, I said I've been feeling this for awhile now? Awhile was since May or June, I don't know why or how, but I knew it was you, and half those days I barely saw you, so yeah I doubt that 42 days will make me walk away.'

'But it is a long time, most people just walk away like that.'

'I promise you, I won't walk away. My feelings don't go so easily, I guess.'

He thought about it, yeah, he had been there for her during her lows and sometimes he helped lift her up, but sometimes he couldn't help but feel useless when his efforts don't work, and he'd pray that she'd be okay and all. She really did mean a lot to him, gosh he'd never walk away. No.

Well somehow their topic changed into.. a less deep conversation but at the end, he told her.

'You know what, I'm gonna wait. At least till you come back but yeah, I'd never walk away, I promise you. It's worth the wait.'

Yes, he is gonna wait, and imagine playing the Joe Brooks song My Heart Will Wait there, every single  lyric suited what he wanted to tell her.

'So, don't give up, girl don't give in, don't stop believing in me, this is just the beginning. 'Cause my heart will wait, my heart will wait for you, always.'

She is worth this, she's worth everything.

#6 The big day.

And just like that, the major exams were over, to Alex it meant THE day was here.

As he woke up the day before, it hit him hard, the day he was so eagerly waiting for, it was less than 24 hours away. Oh no. And as he lay down on his bed daydreaming, staring at his glow-in-the-dark stars covered ceiling, the thoughts running through his mind, somehow made him hesitate to really do this, yet made him really really want to do it.

Crap, should I really do this? She means so much to me, what if I ruin this? No, I've been liking her I have no idea when, I should tell her. No I shouldn't, she'll walk away from you. Yes I should. No, we're so close now, what if? Gosh, yes yes yes I should just do this, I don't care what happens, I just want her to know how I feel. What if...

'ALEX, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH IF YOU DON'T GET OFF YOUR BED!'

'Oh no,' He didn't realize that even though he woke up at 8, he was just lying down there for 2 hours. 'COMING, MOM!'

//

The bell rang, which meant that the exams were over, and the time had come. *dramatic music*

He spent the time after he finished his paper trying to think of the right words to say,  picturing scenarios on what might happen. Would she say yes right away? Would she read it, and just shyly walk away? Would she answer with 'I need some time' or something? Or would he lose everything and the girl he really really wanted to be with?

Alex thought remembered the letter he wrote a few months back which was in his bag the very moment. He thought about what he wrote and how there were so many other things he wanted to say to her.
I want to be the guy you'd call in the middle of the night when you can't sleep and the guy who'd tell you that you're beautiful when you're insecure and send you goodmorning texts or call you late at night . I want to be the guy you'd have movie dates with and you'd be crying whilst I'll hug you tighter in my arms and my sleeve would be totally wet. Or the guy you'd make covers with and filling up the bloopers with so many failed attempts and inside jokes only we'd understand. I want to be that guy.

and when the bell rang he thought about the text messages Haley, Elena and Mel sent him. They were rooting for him, that meant a lot.

And when the teacher walked around the class collecting the testpapers he was on the edge of his seat, impatiently waiting for all of 'em to be dismissed, so he could run out and catch her before she leaves after waiting for him when he asked her to the night before.

He ran out of the class room, and after a few more wishes of luck, he headed to the back-gate.

Okay, you can do this, Alex. Don't screw up. Alex thought. I really hope you say yes, Natasha, you have no idea how much you mean to me. 

After waiting quite a while, there she was, looking pretty as ever. He really thought how she is worth this, well, she really was. Why did I ever hesitate? 

'Hey, how was the exams?' said Natasha, man was he really shaking now. 'Why'd you ask me to come here anyway?'

'It was pretty tough actually, hmm.' he thought about the tree he once told her to wait under during their study date but she didn't know which tree 'cus um, there were too many trees, haha. 'follow me.'

And yes, he brought her there, and she was so puzzled on what was happening.

'Uh, where are we going?'

and he stopped, and pointed up. 'Here, tree.'

'Okay, I think you know this, but don't freak out, okay?' and he took out a note, his letter.

'What's that?'

'Read it.'

'Whoah, that's long.' Natasha really didn't know what was going on did she? Silly girl.  'Anyways, I've gotta go, Marissa's waiting for me at her house.'

Oh right, she was supposed to be at her best friends house to celebrate the end of the exams.

'Well, bye Natasha?'

'Bye.' as she walked away.

//

Oh crap, I screwed up, so bad. So so bad. Big mistake, oh no what if she doesn't talk to me anymore? This sucks. Why must I be like this?

Yep, he was practically talking to himself the whole way while walking home. Well, in his mind.

He waited for a reply, or maybe should he start the conversation first? What if it gets awkward?
and as his friends all texted him asking how it all went, he couldn't help but feel sorry for himself, he always loses the girl, their friendship, when he tells them. He was never fortunate enough.

This time, it was different, no girl has ever meant so much to him, or been so close to him, and he'd never done it face to face, since he'd always sneak it in her book or pass it to her friend with the previous crushes. She, Natasha Rose, was different, she was special.

but then he heard his phone ringing, great, another text asking how did it go. 

He was surprised to see who's name was on the screen. He was dreaming, he should have been, as these words were clearly on the screen:

New message from Natasha Rose. 

Day 1.

I really do miss you, a lot.

It feels weird not seeing your text, or seeing your face at night before I go to bed.

This is harder than I thought. I miss your laugh, the way you talk so hilariously when you put your retainers on, the way you'd laugh when I speak Chinese especially the ointment thingy heh, the way you'd hide under your blanket and snark, the way I'd scare you all the time (not regretting that, sorry :P), the way you'd say 'thau huu' or 'pa-yunts' hahaha.

I know it's like less than two months but I still miss you. And it's like I'll only Skype you when I Skype you which kinda is good but but yeaaahh.

And I know it's quite long but I promise you I'll be waiting. Because a noble knight always waits for his princess.

Stay safe okay?

#5 Today was a fairytale.

Day by day he was falling or her more and more as the last day of the exams drew nearer and nearer. He couldn't wait, it was like... waiting for water in a drought.

Well, Natasha's birthday was near and it really hit him that, he wanted something special for her, something super awesome that is like super memorable. He waited on the phone the birthday eve, well he was tutoring her anyway and he counted down, when it was 11:59 he started going '60, 59, 58, 57..' and yeah, voila, the super awesomest-but-failed birthday wish.

No, he thought, don't tell her yet, wait.

The actual day itself, after school he saw her and wished her again. As she was being thrown with all of I-have-no-idea-what-that-stuff-is oh wait, flour. As she was all drenched, all white and filthy, Alex offered her his umbrella, just in case she needs it, or maybe use it for self-defence, Brittany style. :D

'A little too late now isn't it?' said Natasha, looking down at herself all um, cleaned up.

'But but, just in case, you know?'

'It's okay, wanna hug?'

'OH CRAP NO.' Alex said 'No no no no no.'

Too late, she hugged him, dirtying his bag, his uniform, but he didn't care. He wished it lasted longer, he wished he could do it, like as a you-know-what. But no, her friends started splashing her again, dirtying them both but he didn't care, he wanted to go back to the time to when that happened. I know, it was just a hug, but but it is a hug. A hug, hug. The smile on his face when that happened, priceless.

'Not bad eh, she hugged you!' Alex kind of forgotten that Elena was right next to him when that happened. 'Heh, that was cool. Progress!'

As they walked to where Mel and Eddie Kaynes were (it was such a coincidence that Mel's boyfriend had the same birthday) he realized, he wanted what they had. They've been together for 2 and a half years now, almost 3 and still they are so cute together, they're so happy, almost nothing could come between them. He couldn't even imagine her with anybody else (he kind of expects them to get married as high-school sweethearts and have little tiny Smurf babies together). That, is love, right there.

It made him jealous yet warm and fuzzy inside when Mel planned the whole day with the gang being the stations for the 'Amazing Ed Race' a.k.a 'The 74th Annual Meddie Games' isn't that the cutest? Isaak, Elena and Alex were all part of them, and though it was pretty spontaneous, no one really knew what to do so they ended up going 'Go find the lamb' or 'go find the short Doraemon' but the last one was the one where everyone would go 'AWWWW'.

Isaak was the second last station, and all he gave as a clue was 'The turtle'. In a snap of a finger he could think that it was his girlfriend indeed, as she was pretty um, clueless. 'What do you call something with no body and no nose?' 'A turtle?' Yeeaaah.

The last clue lead to her, and she was there under the tree, waiting for him, holding the card she made.
As the gang watched from far away, all they could do was to squeal with excitement as they both talked and talked and BAM they kissed. Her second kiss, ever.

As Ed went back she came to the gang touching her lips and her smile, truly she was happy. Alex was happy, for them, and for himself -duh.

And while walking home, Alex walked with an unimaginable smile, he wanted to go back to the hug, he wanted his arms around her, he wanted to be hers. He wanted what Mel and Ed had. He was happy the whole day, well cus' today was a fairytale.

Candace and Jeremy, this is what he wants. 

It ends tonight.

... and just like that, PMR is over.

It's seems so fast, so surreal. Like, the first day of the exam, it just hit me, 'yeah, I really am Form 3. I feel so teenage.' it seems like just yesterday, that I've enrolled myself into this school, in Form 1 and now, I was about to talk my first ever major exam determining my future here. It just felt so recent, time really really does fly fast, doesn't it?

The Thursday we were supposed to arrange our tables and seatings, as I was walking out of my current class, talking to Jen. It came to mind, that that was the last day we'd be spending in our class. Our class, all the memories. It felt so.. fast, too fast.

I can clearly remember how I felt when I found out I was to be separated with Mel and Elina and Carmen, wondering how I was ever going to make it through the year and being thankful that Isaac was with me, at least.

I can remember the first day of school. When we all were really awkward, not knowing what to expect from 2012. Not knowing what to do, since everything is so foreign, as the 1997 batch rose up to the morning session. Whole new teachers, new timing, new everything. I remember going to class the first time and Jing Yee asking me to book a space for her and a girl named Jia Wen, now she turns out to be one of my closest friends.

This class, was the class I've been in for 2 years, all the memories. I still remember the Stereo Bananas, how we were the rebels of the class playing our random games, how they stood up for me as I got bullied and called really harsh names. Or this year, how we spent a really long time painting the class and failing the first time being the wrong color, how we made up the chinese version of Taylor Swift's song, how we sang so hyper-ly, or how we told sick horny stories. 


It just feels so.. fast. I just don't want this to end. I don't want to leave this class, this group of friends, the class we study in. Everything is just too dear to me, no I don't want to leave. 

I don't want this to end, but in like 2 more weeks, the 2012 semester will end, and in 4 months I'll be 16. 

'All good things come to an end, don't they?'

#4 My heart will wait.

Alex was pretty sure he got over Nicole, and he is glad that everything is better now. But wel, even so, he'd been talking to Natasha a lot, and they started Skyping and calling each other which really did, well put a smile on his face. Like you could never imagine the way he smiled when she talked to him.

He still somehow felt like he was falling for her. A lot. The way they were so lame with each other playing made-up games, and the way they'll sing to each other on the phone, and the way the were there for each other when they needed someone, and how cute her laugh is. How they made plans for each other after finals which will determine their freshman year. How they wanted to study together. How much talking to her or just a simple 'hi' made him so happy. He really did like her.

He really really did want to tell her, like badly as everyday of not telling felt like a thousand years. Well, you know the drill. He decided to tell her. He stuck with writing a really really long and meaningless letter, which is what he's best at. He showed Nicole, Haley, Carmen, Elina, and Melanie what he wrote and you know what? Almost all of them responded with a huge 'AWWWW'. Which is, a good thing right? Ahah. it felt different from how he tried telling the others he ever did have feelings for. He felt, attached, like they knew each other, forever. He wrote what he really felt, like what he wanted to be to her, what he really meant to her, what was inside.

The only thing that was in the way, exams. Such killers. Gosh again, the fact that everything is all clashed and studies and yadda yadda, it just... sucks. But that gave him a good reason to wait, to focus on something else and block out all the other distractions as this exam was make it or break it.

This gave him a good reason to talk to her more, and guess what? He lost his first ever date, to her. Well, if you consider a study date as a date but yeah, he did feel happy, over the moon. They had been planning to tutor each other for quite awhile but her parents didn't let her out, so after convincing them a long time, they said yes to it!

As school was near ending, his heartbeat paced faster and faster and he was shaking, in a good way, so much so that Nicole had to calm him down and distract him a little. He really couldn't wait to see her, to talk to her, to study be with her.

The bell rang and Nicole and Haley both wished him the best of luck and he waited for Mel and Elina to leave first, and he waited where they planned to meet each other. After awhile, no signs of her were to be seen and he thought that she stood him up. He went back in school and thought maybe he'd see her in the canteen or something, and after two rounds he still didn't see her and the thought of her ditching him really really seemed true. He went back to the gate and well, there she was. Looking pretty as ever.

They started walking and headed to the canteen for lunch. They talked on the way about stuff that normal don't talk about. Hahaha. They laughed a lot, well, she laughed a lot at him for stabbing the chicken. It wasn't his fault okay, he couldn't cut it properly. xD

Then they headed to the double-R where they did study. She thought him a lot about the Science chapters he didn't understand, about how a big lumen in the arteries can cause a heart attack and small lumen = good! (those were his notes)

He taught her Geography where she was pretty weak in that subject. He went really lame and substituted all the minerals of the country to her celebrity boyfriends' names and she was like 'Josh is everywhere' 'NO WHY IS HE SO FAR AWAY FROM ME' They were that lame. He also used both of them as an example for the layers on the forest and she was all 'eww I have frogs on me' Haha

Natasha was right, people WILL faint if they were in the same room with the both of them.

Someone was asking whether the phone on the table was hers, but she pointed the field and said it was her grandmothers'. She called Ironman, Lelaki Besi, the direct Malay translation. He called her super tight compass the Hulk compass. They both gave weird stares to the people who passed them by. He kept dancing to the weird music the other table was playing, that was the funniest. Their faces when a girl was talking to them and they got so lost and just stared at each other and tried not to laugh but at the end he was all 'whaaa?' and started laughing.

It was a windy day that day, and her hair was flying all over the place and he was so tempted to run his fingers to her hair, put the loose strands behind her ear.. or something. (like the movies, you know?)

She really did make him smile, and gosh her laugh was the cutest thing he'd ever heard.

Yes, he was indeed falling for her, and he's definitely telling her soon, and he'll be counting down the days till when the last day of the exams is here, and he'll tell her. But right now, he'll wait, his heart is gonna wait for her, always.