27 more days.

So I'm back again, well blame trials and PMR and my piano exam and well, myself for the lack of motivation for not blogging. Sorry all, if there's even anyone who reads this.

Lately well, I am stressing out. Really, I don't have the motivation to study and I don't have the brains to be like my brother who is so chilled about his major exam when I'm panicking so badly. I so regret ever being a so called, 'bad student' not paying attention ever. I guess this is karma. :(

 I think I am planning to tell her right after my major exams. Which is, pretty much a huge decision but gosh it's killing me inside for every single day of me not being able tell her my feelings and what if she walks away and it'll reach just leave me... empty. I mean, she is everything special I could ever think of, and when we talk, even if it's just us like, texting or something. You can never imagine the smile on my face and gosh her laugh is just too cute.

I guess I'm falling for her eh.

Anyways, I doubt that I'll be blogging much soon, must study. 27 more days. Oh so exciting.

Will continue the Life Of Alex Morrison soon. :)

PRAY FOR MY EXAMS!

Oh and it's 11th September today, a really well, sad day. 11 years ago, many lost their lives, many lost their families, many lost their loved ones. When I think about this, it reminds me of my aunt. She lives in New York and I remember seeing the World Trade Center falling on the news and though I wasn't really sure what was happening then, it did freak me out. So yeah, take some time to pray.

Dear God, we pray for the families who lost loved ones on 9-11-2001. Continue to comfort them and guide them in Jesus’ name we pray Amen.

         -Spiritualism, Tumblr.

She's beautiful, it's true.

To you, somewhere out there, if you're reading this, hopefully.

Never say you're not good enough. You are pretty, talented, kind, friendly, you are always there for me when I need someone and I am really glad. You are beautiful, okay, but you don't realize it. You're definitely someone worth appreciating. You're you.

It hurts to see you so insecure at times. You tell me you're not pretty enough, or that you're not your ideal weight. Just ignore all these things people say and don't let them get into you.

You really are special. I mean, you make singing look really good and when you play the guitar, it's definitely fanguy worthy. Haha.

And I'm sorry if I didn't help you much sometimes when you're down or troubled. I can really suck sometimes. But I am here for you, no matter what.

And I do pray for you often. Like for Him to be with you when you feel like the world has crashed in, and you would turn to Him too.

And lastly, remember, hope. I know you think you've lost it, but no. There is hope in the littlest things in life, and it really is a beautiful sight. Watch the subset, now that's a great example.

So yeah, I really really want everything to be okay for you, and that you do end up getting what you really deserve, to be happy.

:)

And I vow to at least make an effort to put a smile on your face.

Distractions.

So last week during youth, Paulynn shared about how materialistic people can be, and how they put those things first and not God. I really liked that sharing, somehow.

First, she showed us some pictures in her iPad. So there was this 17 year-old guy from China. He sold his kidney for USD 2200 for an iPad. Just an iPad, an he let the doctors take it out. Crazy.

Then there was this guy from the U.S. he worked in some financial company and was involved in a fraud case. He cheated his company and now he made the company lose at least 2 billion USD. All because he wanted to gamble.

Then there was this woman. She looks flawless, but guess what? She is 55, years old and she had to go through 52 plastic surgeries in order to achieve how Barbie-fied she is now.

The things people do to get stuff, really some are just plain ridiculous. Like, for an electronical gadget, or money, or look eternally youthful.

She tells us about how sirens are like. Sirens, they are practically like mermaids of the sea, in Greek mythology. As the sailors pass bye all they will hear is the sound of their beautiful voices, what's deceiving is that they only sing what they want you to hear. The sailors get too captivated and start sailing towards them instead and guess what? They attack the sailor and eat them up.

Like these gorgeous mermaidy creatures. They're sirens actually.

  

But there was this one guy, Jason. He was this noble Greek warrior, son of the King Aelous. He wanted to hear what the sirens could tell, as according to myth, if you manage to survive and not succumb to their calls, it makes you stronger, and wiser.

He put wax into his ears, and tied himself on a ship's pole so that the voices may not get into him, and he ordered his crew to put wax too. Even though how hard it may have been, he managed to do it, and it did make him stronger.

I'm not saying that we should al put wax into our ears and listen to evil-mermaid creatures sing. I'm just saying that we should not be too distracted by all these riches and materials, and put God first in our eyes.

She shared also how much she wants to go to business school and she doesn't want to work her current job at the financial sector. She has been applying and well, it has been hard for her, to sell herself as she is and not what people wanted her to be. Her friend helped her with her résumés and she really couldn't believe it. Most of what was written didn't even describe who she is, and she didn't like it. She was like: 'I really can't do this, this is not me. At all' She asked her friend and he told her how it wouldn't harm to just do it once, and after that he can just walk down the streets and just be her for the rest of her life. She really has been praying, a lot, and well please add her in your prayers? Pray for her to make the right decisions and for her not to succumb to all these bad things that she has to sneak her way in to be accepted.

I really liked that lesson. :)

Anyways, my piano exam is next week. Oh the joy. My scales and pieces are still pretty rough and I don't have the motivation to practice! Pray for me too yeah?

Okay then I shall try writing more, as my level is still pretty low. :(

The Life of Alex Morrison shall continue soon. :)

#3, Runaway train.

Alex wasn't sure whether he was still feeling the way he was for Nicole anymore. It just, felt so distant, so foreign now. He wasn't sure what he was to her. He pretty much lost his feeling, you could say. Although she talked to him again, without explaining what really happened. He still felt so far away, all he wanted to be her friend again.

Nicole had once told him her secret, of liking someone else. Lance Crawford was the name. He was the school athlete, and girls will go all crazy over him.

There was this once, as he was walking home, he had to take the train. With his iPod in hand, he bought some food from the stalls right outside the station. As he was walking, there she was. Waiting for the train's arrival, looking pretty as ever. That caught him by surprise, he never expected her to walk home. His heart was.. beating hard. Anyone who saw his face probably saw him all flushed, all red and walk away from him.

But then he saw her with him, The Lance Crawford walking along by her side. His heart dropped. Like, his heart was made of glass and a hammer just came crashing down anyway. He somehow felt more drained, more embarrassed. Like, what of they saw him or something. As they were entering the train, he debated whether to go through the same door. He then finally made a decision to just go through the next door. What, the queue was long anyway.

He didn't want to disturb them, so in the train, he kept a safe distance from them. They were sitting, while he was standing at the door, eagerly waiting the the train to pull over to the next station already. Funny thing was, as he saw them, he felt so crushed that he changed the song he was listening to to a sad one. Hah.

He looked over at them. They were talking, laughing and all. The worst part, she looked really happy. Like, her smile, it wasn't any kind of happiness he's ever seen with her, she really was... happy.

That crushed him a little, but he realized, he should let her go. Things WILL get better that way, and if loving someone means having their happiness as a priority then so be it. He didn't want to love her anymore, he just.. wanted to feel the same way they were a few months back- happy. He wanted the both of them to get back the closure they had. He realized, that he let his feelings get in the way and well, that started everything. He had to let go.

He felt like a kid, who just let the wind blow his kite away, just really well, down.

He remembered what Melanie had told him before. 'If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back to you, then it's not meant to be. If they do, then well, that's what they call love.'

He didn't want to think of this anymore. Well, he just left this whole Nicole situation behind and approached her as a friend with baby steps.

He definitely could feel better with Natasha right?

#2, The birthday flower.

One month had never felt so long for Alex. It made him feel worse knowing that Nicole would still hold that grudge after that long. It really bothered him. Sometimes, he'll be so tempted to even say a simple 'hi' to her, or maybe tell her she's pretty. But no, not even a single glance from her, not even a smile.

He'd still had been talking with the happy-go-lucky Hailey, but he'd also been talking and sharing his feelings with Natasha Rose, who's also from the same school but he just met her this year, through Twitter. He's had a little crush on her, while they were still Juniors, because she was like, the prettiest girl in his whole form, what kind of guy hasn't liked her before? 

They have been talking pretty frequently, so much so that it was almost similar to the friendship he had with Nicole, yet the friendship was different. She had always been there for him, despite the risk of him crossing the line, and he'd always helped her when she felt like falling apart. They both shared the same dreams, of entering the music business, and also made plans for covers to take place. They were both fans of the same shows and similarly mentally dated more than one celebrities. It was almost as if they had met for a reason, but yet, his heart still chose Nicole over Natasha. 

He wondered whether he'd had feelings for Natasha, although they've only known each other for such a brief period. Sometimes, he really did think so, he really did think Natasha treated him better than Nicole, but he really did think Nicole was his heart's worth.

//

Alex's mom, Pat, worked as a fashion/ beauty writer for the local newspaper, and she was assigned to cover an event held in a theme/ water park. What Alex heard was, a day out for the family, in a theme park, oh the joy! He thought to himself, 'maybe I could relax a little, get some stuff off my mind or something'  

Well, it did manage to cool off, and let loose. It felt great. He expected himself to be thinking of Nicole throughout, but no, he didn't. Which relieved him a little. Until he sat on the first ride, the roller-coaster ride, and in a snap of a finger, thought about Natasha, how he'd hold her hand as the roller-coaster goes up the hill, telling her everything will be alright and later screaming their heads off as if goes down and accelerates. 

That kind of caught him off guard, he never expected to be thinking of Natasha. What had his heart been trying to tell him? 

The roller-coaster wasn't the only incident. As he passed by the Scream Park, a.k.a the Haunted House/ Labyrinth, he pictured themselves freaking out, as the 'ghosts' came out and scared them, and somehow, knowing she's such a camwhore, later taking pictures with those frightening creatures. He'd try acting brave for her, but instead, he'd be screaming like a five year old girl afraid of what's underneath her bed. 

Or, the Pirate Ship, where she totally would freak out. As it turns 360 degrees, she'll try to scream, but gravity will hold her mouth back and catch that scream, and she'll be holding his hand real tight, closing her eyes, being cute trying to keep calm throughout the ride.

Or, in the water park, how they'd race to the Water Slides, and I'll carry the tube while she'll run up, and we'll freak out as the tube gets stuck halfway in the slide, and I'll keep pushing and we'll finally reach the water and we'll go upside down and laugh.

Or the Congo Challenge, where they have to compete against each other to slide down, on a little surfboard thingy. She'll be like 'oh, its on' and be the cute one she always is. As he wins the challenge, she'll be bummed but they'll keep going on till the park closes.

Yeah, he'd been thinking of Natasha, a lot. He felt extra confused, almost as if his whole world turned upside down. 

'More to think about, greeeeaat,' he thought, 'just great. Sigh, Nicole or Natasha?' 

#1, What was never said.

Alex Morrison, well he was just like any other ordinary guy, living in a mediocre life. Socially awkward, but still has friends who stick with him though his tough times. Elena Mellark, Melanie Rae, Isaak Gabriel, Carmen Styles, Alicia Leigh, well they mean a lot to him. 

Everything was all the same, till he met Nicole Chase, when they got enrolled in the same class this year. It just seemed, so natural, as if he'd known her forever, and eventually they became friends, really close friends. It was just about time when he started falling for her, deeply. But yet, he couldn't tell her, because he never would want to ruin their friendship, he wouldn't want to ruin what they had. By then, they had known each other's secrets, each others dreams, accepted each other's flaws, compared their celebrity other halves with each other. They had like the most cheesy friendship anyone could ever ask for.

Well nothing stays perfect forever.

He'd always, well maybe not always, had this habit of going too far in their conversations, he tends to cross the line, a lot. That annoyed Nicole, annoyed her a lot. After awhile, she really couldn't handle it, and just gave Alex the 'silent treatment', as they call it. Well, at first, he didn't know what happened, and he just felt confused, and kept apologizing, for whatever he may have done. Words couldn't describe how he felt that day, knowing that his best friend, who he's fallen for, avoided him for some unknown reason.

That has lasted for a month now.

He's felt as if his whole world fell apart, and that affected him. He's been going talking to Elena, who's probably known all his secrets, and also Hailey Lockheart, well, their talk really enlightened him.

Text from Hailey:
 'Maybe its not the right time and season to pursue her now. The right time will come, don't worry. Right now, focus on your studies, Miss SAT's coming. You deserve better than this Alex, you deserve to be happy! :) '

That gave him a whole lot more to think about, well it does make him die inside when she gives him the no-don't-talk-to-me look, yet she talks to someone else all smiles. It did kind of bother him that he's all choked up and she's okay. Yeah, he did deserve better than this, he deserved happiness, and if she's the one taking it away, then maybe she's not the right one. However, there's always a but, isn't there?

'But, she's my best friend. She's the one giving me butterflies whenever I see her. She's never made me feel this way. I'm only me when I'm with her. I'm never been like this with any other girl...'

As he deliberated, well let's just say the pros dominated cons, and heh, he continued pursuing her anyway, not that he wanted to, but that it hurt him not to.

tbc.

In another life.

You know, I've always wondered what life will be like if I made like, a different decision, or met different people. I mean would I fall for someone else instead, would I end up where I am now? #random thoughts

Maybe I'd be different, maybe in a sense that, I'd have a better attitude, instead of always being the introvert or the pessimist I am today. (Okay not so, but you get what I mean)

Maybe I'd be a Caucasian, living in Europe, in a middle class family, going to school and actually enjoying it, be the popular guy and the life of the party. Well, no way. Or maybe I'd be a famous Youtube celebrity/ cover artist (which secretly is one of my dreams). Or maybe I'd be living in a high rise city like New York, always on the rush. Or like how the song goes, 'In another life, you would be my girl.'

I've realized that none of these can happen, cus well, God chose me to be in this life, for a purpose. God gave me a family, a loving family, which some don't even get. He gave me friends, that stick with me even when I screw up and do stupid stuff and are always there no matter what. He gives me a home, a very comfortable home. He gives me all the blessings, that a lot don't have. Sometimes, I'm not even aware of how blessed I am, and always taking what I have for granted. You know I tend to get all so 'in love' or something once I fall for someone. Yet,  cupid never comes back to me.  All three times I've fallen for a girl, who somehow EVERY time is my best friend, something goes wrong, and now I've learnt a pretty big lesson. I've learn that being the lovey wovey one, it just does something to myself, and somehow it gives the impression that I'm 'desperate for love' and it pushes people away. and yeah I've learnt that the hard way, almost losing a friend and all. He teaches me lessons that  sometimes I don't even know He is, when everything is down.

Just yesterday, I've been comforting a friend of mine, who feels as if her friend had replaced her, and the song just popped up.

'For greater thing have yet to come, greater things are still to be done' 

I mean, I remember singing it during worship in CF and it has never really stayed in my mind. But now, it relates a lot to what I'm going through. From struggling with friendship issues, or my parents being disappointed with my studies. I realize there are far more things yet to happen, better things, better achievements.

You know there's this belief that says you are at least linked to 7 people in the world or something. So I was thinking, (and I've done a pretty good theory here) *clears throat* So my mom was interviewing Nate Berkus (the decor guy who every now and then appears on Oprah, and has his own TV show) , and he's friends with Oprah, and the Glee cast has been on Oprah, and by Glee cast I mean Heather Morris. Yay! HAHAHA makes no sense.

Well, yes, I'm fully aware that trials are in two weeks, and I'm aware that I should be studying. This is my effort to improve my English, thank you very much, and I realized that my English level is still pretty low after taking the New South Wales exam. -So going to score!- :( So, lately I've been jotting down unfamiliar words from the series, Fallen, which a good friend lent me, and I've still haven't finished it cause she doesn't have the full series, so I'm planning to camp out in the nearest bookstore and read it. Back to the point, that book is really good, I like how Passion brings me through an adventure through time, all around the world, and man that book has a lot of unknown words even my parents don't know. So, yes, I consider that studying. :)

And that's where I learnt the word, presumptuous, a.k.a Jen's P-word. Which pretty much suits how I am, I am, always assuming things are about me, always assuming that I made someone mad, always assuming that I'm the one they're talking about, always assuming, a lot. Bucket list for the next 6/7 months, get rid of that attitude of always saying sorry when its not even my fault, and later ruining friendships cus it gets pretty annoying and all.

Yes, I'm aware of that, and I'm trying my best to fix it. Progress, not perfection.

I don't know what I wrote, I just blurted out what was on my mind. Hah.

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you, and all the things that you do.
-- Yellow, Coldplay

And I shall end this post, which somehow doesn't make a lot of sense, with a quote.

'Life isn't about surviving the storm, its about learning to dance in the rain'
-- Taylor Swift.